How did you respond to a challenge?

If you are a parent of a player, can you remember the first time you were in a game and an opponent seemed intent on having you leave the game on a stretcher?  For most of us, it was pretty distracting, trying to play a game while keeping an eye out for an elbow, a shove, or a reckless tackle.  Most of us taught our kids in the pre-school years to share, to play fair with others, and we set the expectation with them that others would do the same. We also sometimes give them the impression that adults will be there to police situations. And then…they enter the world of competitive sports.

I enjoy talking to youth players and hearing what they like and don’t like. Players have told me how it bothers them when coaches during practice or referees during games allow a player to repeatedly foul, sometimes even with intent to hurt, yet do nothing.  It’s not easy to tell kids the hard reality, but it’s important for them to understand that facing up to challenges is a key part of growing up. I’ve told both my son and other players that it is one of those difficult “rites of passage”, and the sooner they overcome fear of physical intimidation the sooner they will return to enjoying the game.

Of course, with the benefit of years of education in the school of hard knocks, I can now act like the old wise Sensei who tells his student, “Ah, young grasshopper, do you not see that Providence has put in front of you those things that you do not like, so that you may become a stronger man by facing up to them?” And they respond, “Dude, you talk weird, and what’s with the ‘grasshopper’ deal, my name’s Joe-Bob-Billy-Bob.”

But seriously, one thing I tell my son is that when an opponent commits fouls it is a sign that he recognizes your skill and speed are superior to his. That’s an important confidence builder for kids when faced with such an opponent – to remember that the opponent is basically admitting your superiority. So my first piece of advice is to continue to do what aggravates your opponent: beat him with skills and speed.

But there will be situations where heavy physical contact cannot be avoided and shouldn’t be feared. And there are situations where it is not due to an opponent on a “headhunting” mission, but just the normal course of play in a contact sport.

With the exception of going for a header, soccer is a sport where a player can maintain a compact, well-balanced stance. I did a little exercise with my son and daughter to show them just how hard it is to unsettle someone who maintains a low, balanced center of gravity. My daughter, who is a year younger than my 11 year old son and probably 25 pounds lighter, took a staggered stance with one foot forward and spread out from the other, knees bent, and weight distributed evenly on her two feet. My son then tried to push her off the stance, and even with some pretty rough pushes, she held her ground. Then, I stood straight upright, with my feet even and about 6 inches apart, and both of them easily pushed me off of my stance. My kids were impressed with how a low, strong, balanced stance allows a much shorter and lighter person to resist the force of a taller and heavier person.

The martial arts of Judo and Aikido are based almost entirely on redirecting the energy of an opponent to your advantage. There is also a philosophy in these martial arts about the connection between overcoming a challenge or struggle and developing our identity. Because of this, I think that some of these martial arts concepts are great for young soccer players too.

I started Judo instruction at an early age. As martial arts go, Judo is to wrestling as Karate is to boxing. Judo is about leverage and center of gravity. A female judo black belt can easily throw an attacking man who is twice her weight to the ground and neutralize his aggression. Aikido, which I studied later,  has two concepts that can help a young soccer player understand the connection between mind and body in a stressful situation. They are the concepts of “Ki” (pronounced like “key”) and “Hara.” Hara is your body’s center of gravity – you can think of it as a point in the middle of your body where you are most balanced and stable. Ki is your inner center of energy – your ability to maintain focus, determination, and confidence no matter what you face in life. To bring your physical Hara and your mental Ki into balance is the goal of the Aikido student.

My blog is not about teaching techniques for tackling or shielding the ball so why am I going down this rabbit hole? Well, because what our kids face in youth soccer is not just about soccer but about life. So, facing up to challenges, whether “fair” or “unfair”, is very much like the Aikido principle of keeping the body’s Hara and the mind’s Ki in balance no matter what the situation. When we get stressed playing sports, we start by unbalancing our body, and that leads to more unbalancing of our mind. That is what our opponent hopes for. We can teach our kids to not give their opponents that satisfaction. They won’t win every challenge, but by practicing balanced body and balanced mind they will improve their chances and enjoy the game more at the same time.

Anticipation, Balance, and Leverage/Redirection of Energy. If your young player gets stressed about being fouled or playing against aggressive opponents, try your own redirection of energy by helping him or her understand some of these concepts, and then practice applying them. It gives your kid a way to take his focus away from the personal stuff (“those guys play dirty” or “I’m not tall/big/strong enough to win that ball”) and re-centers his focus on good techniques for dealing with adversity- in soccer and in his life beyond.